Acceptance

I have one week left here in Arizona before we are leaving for home. The bottom line is: I don't want to go! As I write this I realize I am living in the future instead of "today". Maybe if I focus on the "present moment" the time, one day at a time, will seem longer. There are a lot of things to do before we leave. There is a lot of packing. It seems like we take everything but the "kitchen sink". It is difficult to stay in the "present moment" though when I am packing for something that is going to happen next week. Also, I know that I don't do change very well. We have been here for three months which is a long time and I am settled in. I have my AA groups I go to, my church and friends. I am an artist and have joined a professional organization here and have been accepted in a gallery here. I have put roots down in the community.

How can I work my program in this situation? I am powerless over time passing. I will be grateful for the wonderful time I have had here and I will "feel" the emotions I am experiencing regarding my leaving and I will get back to living one daty at a time.

Now, it's not like I don't have a wonderful life back in Milwaukee for I do. My grandchildren are all there as our my children. I have very close relationships with all of them and I really do look forward to seeing them. I have friends there and my AA group(s) is there. From keeping in touch with them I know that they are all looking forward to my coming back. My artist friends are there and my church is there. So, I have a lot going there as well.

The Casita I have rented here is very nice but my home back in Milwaukee is much larger and it is nicer. My studio is there and I really look forward to getting back to it for I am painting in a corner of the dining area here. The two things I really miss here (give a drum role!) are my icemaker and my garbage disposal. I will never take them for granted again. Especially the garbage disposal, haha!

We will get back to Milwaukee the middle of April and, hopefully, it should start getting nice by then. I look forward to buying my traditional pot of Pansy's to put on my patio to and start planning what flowers I will plant in the many flower pots I have (I container garden.)

Even after the many years I have been sober, at times, I still have difficulty accepting life on life's terms but, now that I have written this I feel better about everything (I always do!). And, I know I will be back to Arizona next year.